Yearly physical exam day. Aka, The Shaming.
Dr: You’ve gained 20 lbs since September.
Me: I know.
Dr: (Deadly earnest.) Well, you know what you’ve gotta do.
Me: I know, I know. I’m starting next week.
Dr: Just make sure next week doesn’t keep turning into next week.
Me: Hey. Look. Gaining weight and losing weight are two things I do exceptionally well.
Dr: How about you come back in six months and prove it?
Me: A friendly wager might help motivate me.
Dr: All right. Get your weight down and I wager you’ll live longer.
Me: Was that a threat?
Dr: (Smirking and shaking his head, he turns back to his computer.) I don’t always understand your humor.
Me: Would it kill you to throw in a Starbucks gift card? Something?