More of me to love?

Yearly physical exam day.  Aka, The Shaming.

Dr: You’ve gained 20 lbs since September.

Me: I know.

Dr: (Deadly earnest.) Well, you know what you’ve gotta do.

Me: I know, I know. I’m starting next week.

Dr: Just make sure next week doesn’t keep turning into next week.

Me: Hey. Look. Gaining weight and losing weight are two things I do exceptionally well.

Dr: How about you come back in six months and prove it?

Me: A friendly wager might help motivate me.

Dr: All right. Get your weight down and I wager you’ll live longer.

Me: Was that a threat?

Dr: (Smirking and shaking his head, he turns back to his computer.) I don’t always understand your humor.

Me: Would it kill you to throw in a Starbucks gift card? Something?

Conversations with My Doctor I

Dr: You’ve lost a lot of weight.
Me: I’ve gained five pounds since the last time you saw me.
Dr: Well, you know what they say. Okay, let’s see, you finished taking Z-pack a week ago . . .
Me: What do they say?
Dr. What?
Me: You said “you know what they say”. But I don’t know what they say.
Dr: Oh, people say all sorts of stuff.