The posts will focus mostly on games.  I am simply awed by this medium and how rapidly it continues to grow in sophistication.  The height of gaming when I was a kid consisted of two virtual paddles knocking a glowing blip around.  Now, we have photo-realistic, high def graphics, adult stories penned by Hollywood screenwriters, and voice talent like Liam Neeson.  The technology itself is evolving so quickly that any product announced is in danger of being outdated by the time it hits the marketplace.  These things and more must be addressed by me before I explode in a great burst of stifled nerd lust.

I also have some pent up observations to make about film.  Especially that nebulous region where cinema and video games meet; most often with very ugly results.  As Willy Loman said, “A man is not a piece of fruit!”  Yeah, that doesn’t really apply here.

Devil’s advocate:  So, if you’re only writing for you then why the lengthy justification, moron?

Wow.  My imaginary critics are rude. 

But I am glad you asked anyway, my imaginary d-bag of a friend.

For these reasons: 

1) On the off chance that someone else does read my blog.

2) All great transitions in one’s life must be addressed with a ritual of passage.

3) Because I want to.  Suck that back, Alice.

Any more questions?  Good.  Because that would make me worry about my sanity if there were. 

Okay. 

The time for transitioning is over.

(Strikes gong.)

Let the gaming prattle begin!

I downloaded a new character last week and he has since become my personal hero.  He’s a 1970’s blacksploitation martial arts film star named Brock Lee.  Here was my first endeavor with him.  I thought I would throw a little Brock surprise at the people on top of the building in the background.  The video quality is pretty horrible, but you’ll get the idea. 

Brock Lee in “Take No Prisoners!”

Yep.  It went a little differently than I had planned.

My next attempt was craftier.  I thought I would try to reach the top of the building by applying the ricochet approach.

Brock Lee in “Happy Trails.”

You can’t see Brock’s progression very well due to the crappy video quality.  But let’s just say that he finally got that oceanside vacation he had been wanting. 

Ok, I decided to give it one last try.  But what was initially an attempt to scale a building ended in a confrontation with a radioactive beaver.

Brock Lee in “Brock Lee VS Beaverzilla.”

My second favorite Pain character is none other than David Hasselhoff.  Here I offer my reenactment of Hasselhoff’s career.

Followed by a short I lovingly call, “Hoff goes for the Big “O”.

And, lastly, a Hoff clip with very strong Freudian overtones.

I’m like the guy who forces people to watch home movies of his vacations, but I can’t help it.  The whole video capture thing amuses me to no end so expect plenty more.  But only once I find out how to improve the video quality.  

I’m thinking of writing to the makers of the game with suggestions for their next celebrity character.  I would love to hurl Patrick Swayze into some buildings.  Of course, he’d have to say, “Pain don’t hurt.”  How perfect would that be?

A new sort-of console was announced at the GDC (Game Developer’s Conference) in San Francisco and I still don’t know what to make of it.  I think it was sent to us from the future to destroy Sony and Microsoft before they mate and produce mankind’s downfall in the form of a Death-bot with excellent frame rate.  (I leave Nintendo out of this scenario because I’m sure they already have numerous giant robots in storage and are just waiting for a reason.)  If the hype is true, then you could stream any game (PS3, 360, PC) and play it on your monitor or television with little or no lag time.  The price will supposedly be less than buying a next-gen console.  Best of all, since the OnLive server does all the heavy lifting on its end, you could make all of this happen with even a piece of shit PC like mine.  I also heard rumor that it might be possible to stream it onto a home console like the PS3 or 360 by purchasing an inexpensive converter.

It’s like we’re in Jetsons territory now.  We all know the digital revolution will eventually overtake cds and dvds, but just imagine when all the peripheral players and assorted metal boxes are reduced to just one device?  Or . . . no devices . . .

. . . . . . .

Sorry, I zoned out.

The future is bright.  The future is scary.  The future is full of some crazy shit.

Speaking of which, Lost continues to shatter my fragile mind.  I keep trying to stop biting my nails and it’s that damn show that knocks me off the wagon every time.  I could go on about how impressed I am by the complex characters and the acting and blah blah blah.  But it’s so much more fun just to sit back and let it wash over me like fine wine.  Wine laced with LSD and consumed via a wine bong with the Dharma logo on it’s side.  I really don’t know how hey could make the show any better at this point.  Oh, wait a minute, yes I do.  If they could somehow tie it all in with Alias, Star Trek, and Cloverfield.  That would complete me.  

As if on cue, Zelda the cat has started to eat my monitor, doing her own Cloverfield homage.

The thing that’s really bugging me is the missing Daniel Faraday.  It’s driving me nuts.  I want to travel to the core of the island and pull the lever so that I can travel into the future (or the past) and find out what the hell happened.  But alas I cannot.  The wheel is broken.

The longer I spent away from blogging the sillier it seemed to me.  All of these people out there, lacking the disipline to be real writers, caught up in this fad of pretending that what they think and feel has any significance at all.  Each time I thought about starting a new blog, the only thing I could come up with for a first post was how inane I thought blogging had become.  Then I toyed with the idea of an anti-blog blog.  But, seriously, what’s the point in that?  Especially when there are movies begging to be watched and video game villains pleading with me not to shoot them in the face.

Yet, here I am.  Typing words into the void, again.

This is the blog that may end up saving my sanity.  A year of severence pay has made me a creature of absolute self-indulgence.  I don’t exercise anymore.  I sleep late and spend most of my days pursuing anything that allows my brain to function on power save mode.  I need something that will kick start my intellect.  You know, until another job comes along. 

(Snicker, snicker.) 

Sorry.  It’s hard to keep a straight face when talking about finding work in this job market.

Of course, another reason for blogging again is to make my wife laugh.  I’ll also try to entertain my friends while I’m at it.  But they’re such a jaded sullen bunch I’m not counting on any such miracles occurring.  What you can count on, however, is that there won’t be anything too serious.  No grandstanding or preaching from me.  Anyone who wants that – and no one really does – can buy me drink sometime.  This blog is what is says it is.  Brain lizards.

Get it?  Got it?  Good.

Later gators.