I am a sometime sufferer of chronic insomnia. When I was younger it was great. Who needed sleep? Now the old body is wearing down, however, and sometimes I do have force it into an inactive state. Last night I took my ambien and waited for oblivion to come for me. Almost immediately, I get an invite to join a group of friends in an arena style combat game on Xbox Live. Not fighting one another, mind you;  they were trying to hold off a horde of psychotic villains and needed a fourth helping hand. Of course, I agreed. I didn’t think it would take very long and it would help pass time during my wait for unconsciousness. It ended up taking longer than predicted to finish the battle and I discovered what happens when you take ambien and don’t allow yourself to sleep. It’s sort of what happens when you let Willy Wonka take you on a magic boat ride down a chocolate river into a dark tunnel. Oh, man, the colors I saw. So vibrant. Eventually, they just told me to hunker down behind a rock and to try not to get hurt. But then I would inevitably wander out to look at the pretty explosions and then I would die. Sometimes I would freak out and go into a blind rage, punching anyone, friends included, who came near me. I do remember at one point they were trying to take down this huge monstrosity and no could seem to finish it off. I figured I was the most expendable one, so I hurled myself at it in a wild fist fury and actually took it down. That was my one shining moment of the evening.

I learned a couple of very important lessons from all of this. First, ambien kicks in faster than I thought. And second, it is possible to take a trip without ever leaving your living room.

This is the kind of insanity I’m talking about. I feel like I’m still medicated just watching it now.