I keep getting these ridiculous attempts from online sites to advertise on my blog via the comments section.  Someone tries to post a comment on my blog, and their fake user name links back to a website like “Sock Warehouse” or something as equally useless.  I don’t even need to check the URL.  I can tell it’s a fake just from the comment.  They always sound like they’re written by robots (which I’m not ruling out).  These robots always leave a misspelling or two to show that they’re not really highly intelligent robots.  They’re just simple web folk.

“This blog is very insiteful.  I will read more of this blog.  You make valid points on things.”  <bleep click bleep>

Or how about this one:

“You have such an interesting perspective on topics.  I will read more of your topics and tell all of my friends about them.  Please excuse my many missed-spellings.  I am just a humble web person and not a robot.  End program.”

Then the other day I received a new one that has to be the worst conceived yet.  This is it word for word.

“I usually agree with your blog posts, but in this instance I ought to say that I do not share your views.”

It’s one thing to try and sneak behind my guard by using flattery.  But what moron thinks that disagreeing with me is the way to my heart?  The first thing I’m going to do is say, “Who is this moron who doesn’t agree with my brilliant views on things and stuff?”  Then I’m going to look more closely at the URL to see where they hail from or if they work for the government.  And alas the jig is up.  If you want to catch me off guard then don’t say something that will make me raise my guard.  Not that the flattery was working either, it was at least the smarter way to go.  And there’s always that second or two when I receive one of these fake complimentary comments when my defenses do flicker and I think, “Someone out there likes me!”  Then I snap back into being a creature of pure hate.  But you never know, one day when I’m vulnerable they might just fool me.  So sugar is definitely the way to catch this fly (wink wink).

Now I leave you with The Wicker Man edited as a comedy trailer.